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Kayla
01 November 2013 @ 09:46 am
 
 
Tunes: prozak
 
 
Kayla
01 November 2013 @ 09:43 am
Was I ever good enough to keep my love, my whispered nothings in his warped memory? obviously not. He didn't think twice before he abandoned me as if I was nothing more than a junkie on the side of the road itching and clawing for my next fix. It's like there was no remorse as he spit on me and looked down upon me as if I was nothing but an ugly reminder of the year and a half I invested in his every whim. What I thought was love was nothing more than complacency. Now I'm the one left to pick up all the scattered razor sharp pieces of a life left torn and empty from lack of another direction. But finally after wading through all the debris that he has left heaped at my feet so inconsiderately I have finally came upon a new direction to take, a new love interest, a new challenge I welcome eagerly with open arms and a half convincing smile painted jaggedly across my porcelain face. I no longer feel like i am fighting a losing battle.

Tags:
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: depresseddepressed
Tunes: prozak
 
 
Kayla
01 November 2013 @ 09:29 am
Tags:
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: depresseddepressed
Tunes: prozak
 
 
Kayla
17 October 2013 @ 09:50 am
how far will i go to please the new love interest in my life? i paint confidence across my cheeks, covering all my insecurities with make up. is it enough to turn his head? i doubt it. when will i start to believe the positive outlook my peers have about me? perhaps never. i will forever doubt myself. i hug my arms to my chest as protection from wondering, judgemental eyes. they mark me. i am unfit to still be a true beauty, my face a hollow shell of what it once was. i am envious of my old chaos, it seems so unfair that i wished so hard to escape it only to be hurtled into a bleak hell that my old chaos couldn't even come close to brushing this new found hell with its cold as death pale fingertips. i am full of self proclaimed lack luster qualities. what is it these people see in my broken body that keeps them so enthralled? they claim i'm funny and interesting. i call bullshit, but they remain persistent in this belief. they say im a survivor which i guess in a way is true, yet i feel more like a victim. a victim because that damn boat didn't kill me, a victim because i have been thrown into a world in which i can not function as well as i used to. it is steady wearing me down, churning and grinding my insides into a dust that is scattered and misplaced by this wind called life and the depression which comes with it that i am forever drowning in. forever drowning, unable to penetrate the surface, unable to ease this hyperventilation that constricts my lungs and hurts my chest when i try as hard as i might to heave in and breathe a breath that isnt saturated with this polluted air. but it will always remain polluted and i will always remain breathless and damaged. i hate this life and almost everything in it. i hate feeling so broken and useless, fate's cast away, lonely and hopeless, used up then spit out like a decrepit rag doll. when can i absolve this madness?
 
 
Tunes: ali tomineek
 
 
 
Kayla
16 October 2013 @ 09:48 am
"Karma"

Eternity for each and every one of us
Will you withstand and see the face of St. Peter
As he smiles and greets you with a warm welcome?
Or will you decline to the likes of him?
Who would have you spend eternity begging for mercy?
The choice is yours. Do you care? You should. They do.

[Jamie Madrox]
No relation
Or 2nd coming of dark spawn
We're preparing a path for the children of Babylon
In search of Zion
Or a chemical release
At least it gives us inner peace for a second so we can sleep
Riddled by day dreams & puzzled by life
All of us are running through darkness in search of the light
As the demons disappear like phantoms in mirrors
And reappear transformed in the form of your fears
I got a feeling that you think it's a phony and far fetched
Till you're devoid of all hope and virtually helpless
It's necessary to never let it get worse than its gotten
It'll go on forever even after your rotten
And depending on the karma of spirit
Dwelling in inner being
Will determine eternity
Unless you intervene
With your man made destiny
And the myth it withholds
You will never find the light
As long as your eyes are closed

[Chorus]
Are you going to hell or to heaven?
Did you walk with the sinners
Or pray with the reverend?
Tell the truth I did a little of both
And ain't no telling where I'm going
Till my body's a ghost
And we sing
The whole worlds gonna hate me in the end
When they're surrounded by nothing but the fire (nothing but the fire)
You can lie, but you're soaking in sin
When you die let you're karma begin
From the beginning to the end

[Monoxide]
You can see all around you right
So don't act like you don't recognize the light
And in spite of all the things that you did and I forgive
You will end up sitting where the devil lives
I told you all in the beginning I would have the last laugh
And your karma is the reason that you burn like gas
And in the past I been known to be a little to passive
But like I just said I'll be the last one laughing
Hopefully this will all make sense
When your looking through the fiery fence
And I commence
To keep walking through time
With a list of these names
That I guarantee their karma's gonna
Burn in these flames
So speak my name
And hate me for what I'm saying
But trust me I ain't playing
I think you should start praying
Hoping it starts paying off
The poison that your spraying often
Enough to really tick me off
An' I bust

[Chorus]
Are you going to hell or to heaven?
Did you walk with the sinners
Or pray with the reverend?
Tell the truth I did a little of both
And ain't no telling where I'm going
Till my body's a ghost
And we sing
The whole worlds gonna hate me in the end
When they're surrounded by nothing but the fire (nothing but the fire)
You can lie, but you're soaking in sin
When you die let you're karma begin
From the beginning to the end

[Monoxide]
Now you can do whatever you want to me
But in the end your gonna burn like weed it may seem like he's working for me
But I swear there's no ties
Just a collaboration of your bullshit and lies
And your demise will come when I rise like the sun
And bring the drama with the muthafucking
I'm the chosen one so all your guns are obsolete
you better bring the devil when you think of fucking with me

[Jamie Madrox]
At the point where you cease an exist to be
An clutch your fist in the state of the sight of your own grim reality
It ain't nobody's fault but your own
You had a choice in life now it's gone and it's time to move along
You can float to the heavens where the angels fly away
Or descend into gallows where atheists learn to pray
Ain't no place you wanna stay so you better choose wisely
Unless you wanna gamble with whatever might be

[Chorus]
Are you going to hell or to heaven?
Did you walk with the sinners
Or pray with the reverend?
Tell the truth I did a little of both
And ain't no telling where I'm going
Till my body's a ghost
And we sing
The whole worlds gonna hate me in the end
When they're surrounded by nothing but the fire (nothing but the fire)
You can lie, but you're soaking in sin
When you die let you're karma begin
From the beginning to the end

From the beginning to the end

From the beginning to the end

"Bad Side"

At the end of the night, when the moon rises to illuminate
What was hidden shadow during the day a demon with white knuckle rage,
Anger and anticipation hatred and segregation
Murky waters that's infected with blood of the fallen
You might want to hang up a phone in case Heaven come callin'
Until then we walk with the dead here on the Bad Side

I was warned when I was baptized I was born to walk the Bad Side
Nothin' more it's just a fact I was born to walk the Bad Side
I know that I'm rotten to the core Inside of my Medulla Oblongata
And it sort of caused problems like holes in a condom
Bring on that wicked shit we only want that wicked shit
And it really just so happens that me and that one got a wickedness
I'm the wrong end of a pistol grip
When in a song but mind your listenin'
I'll take it all if your given it
Blood is the life that were living in
Made it a problem to be it for the throne
Anybody want to lay claim to this
I got another way of making this dangerous
Without a wicked flow
This time you fucked with the wrong J-U-double-G-A-L-O
With a no I'm M to the O-N-O
But your gonna die in stereo

[Chorus: x2]
I'm walking on the Bad Side
Is there anybody want to walk with me
I'm having a bad time
Find my way back to reality
I'm walking on the Bad Side
Is there anybody want to walk with me
I'm having a bad time
Find my way back to reality

There's a place where it survives
The graveyard that lives inside of my mind
It's where all of my feelings they go to die
I was born to walk a Bad Side
I know what my mind saw
From the dark of the night I'm a creature breathing
A grenade with the pin gone
Ready to explode just give me that reason
If these mother fuckers Want to light
Then ready set they better be prepared to die like walk the edge of reality
Until they jump and they swan dive on the Bad Side
I'm the shadows that swoop around you
I'm the feeling you get inside when they doubt you
Your not alone cause I'm letting you know Were out there
The world is cold who gives a fuck if they don't care
Sick and demented ready for greatness
You either love or hate this
Carnival life of all double headed axes,
Underground freek shows and painted faces
We are the exiles outcast mutant for the X-files
World wide wicked is a lifestyle And we psycho skitzo with Twiztid smiles

[Chorus: x2]
I'm walking on the Bad Side
Is there anybody want to walk with me
I'm having a bad time
Find my way back to reality
I'm walking on the Bad Side
Is there anybody want to walk with me
I'm having a bad time
Find my way back to reality

So shun me worlds been dragging me down
Now I'm ugly no beauty to be found
Chuck me somewhere deep in the underground
Bad blood, bad luck, bad sight, bad sound
So shun me worlds been dragging me down
Now I'm ugly no beauty to be found
Chuck me somewhere deep in the underground
Bad blood, bad luck, bad sight, bad sound
So shun me

Apple

[Monoxide]
I'm a product of buck slips and cut wrists
Rambunctious, when I feel like I'm getting fucked with
My wits connecting prophets to a light switch
One flip permanent night bitch
Fuck with me and I can slaughter your soul
And watch rap gods grease like green bags of bill folds
All outta control like an addict gotta blow
Tragic, cause the medicine I need I cannot flow
Maybe I should pay a visit to his home
Somebody tell the president I'm on his fucking lawn
Too far gone to be fixed I'll and outdated it
Like a trace that I'll open this up to make me feel better

[Chorus]
The president loathes me
The government hates me
They taxing me
And they stealing food from the babies
We on a slippy slope but they know we can't afford it, right?
I'm bout to kill a mother fucker tonight
??
And we play it like Adam and Eve
And take the first bite

[Madrox]
So sinful, better believe this
Me and my brother have returned just like Jesus
So peaceful, not of people
We raise hell, so they assume that we're evil
I probably could go out and get an education
If a teacher could hold a job for 15 seconds
In this fucked up economy, stripping me butt naked
Of all the money I make, they be take taking it
But ain't shit better though (Nope, no it's not)
Just a little bit deeper in the debt we done
Just a little bit closer to the ultimate fear
Where you get one phone call to try and post bail

[Chorus]
The president loathes me
The government hates me
They're teaching me hate
And ??
They promise to be smarter
But they know we can't afford it right
I'm bout to kill a mother fucker tonight
??
And we play it like Adam and Eve
And take the first bite

[Monoxide]
Don't watch society and what it became
If not us than who the pass to blame

[Madrox]
I betcha feel any shame at the thangs that you see on TV

[Monoxide]
Cause your earth bound heaven is still a pipe dream

[Madrox]
What do I have to do
When the plates on the table

[Monoxide]
But plates with no food
While lone ass people gotta go back to school

[Madrox]
Pass the point of working overtime to pay dues
This is your future
See it and behold the life time of debt and enormous work load

[Monoxide]
Past on to you only and it's courtesy of us
Another trigger in the negative in God we trust

[Chorus]
The president loathes me
The government hates me
They taxing me
And they stealing food from the babies
We on a slippy slope but they know we can't afford it, right?
I'm bout to kill a mother fucker tonight
??
And we play it like Adam and Eve
And take the first bite.
"Circles"

[Madrox:]
What Can I Say
My Claim To Fame
Won't Come In The Shape
Of Hearts And Flowers

What Will It Take
Everything That I Know
And All The Things That I've Learned
To Overcome What's Next Around Each Turn

How Come I've Been Walkin' In Circles
Believin' That The Things That I Love
They Will Always Be Perfect And Around

How Come I've Been Needing A Purpose
Assuming That The World Even Cares
If We All Live Or Die

Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or Die

What Can I Say
I Have No Shame
I Can't Complain
But I Will Anyway

What Will It Take
I Gave It All That I Had
Everything I Ever Give
I Even Gave Her My Heart
And She Left With Him

Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or Die

[Monoxide:]
We Watch
Everyone Walkin' In Circles
So Many Turns
That It Might Seem Like I'm Hurtful
But The Truth Is
I'm Really Just Lookin' For Ways
That We Could All Be Makin' A Change
Fly Together Like One In The Same
Ride Together Like a charm and chain
But That Won't Happen Cuz We're D-D-Deranged
So Addicted To Watchin' You Laid
Dark Ass Wanna Be Strange
Like Me Live Only Days
Like We Best Of Friends
But Reality Kicks Me A Message
And I Guess I Learned A Lesson
From The Test That I Was Given
Just Like All The Rest Is Nothin'

[Madrox:]
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or Die

What Can I Say
I'm Livin' Today
I'm Feelin' Alive
But Death Is Creepin'

What Will It Take
My Love Is Dead In A Grave
And Now I'm Smillin' In Court
And They Keep Askin' My What Your Secret Again

Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or
If We All Live Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
Or Die
If We All Live Or Die
 
 
Kayla
i'm not afraid of giving up
i'm just afraid of failing
i'm not afraid of being outspoken
i'm just afraid of being hated

i'm not afraid of loving
and i'm not afraid of crying
i'm just afraid inaduacacy
and i am afraid of trying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

i'm not afraid of being crazy
i'm more afraid of being sane
i'm not afraid
swallow all my pills
i'm just afraid i'll puke them all up

i'm not afraid of yelling
and i'm not afraid of fighting
i'm just afraid of losing
and i am afraid of trying


Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I...

Fear of
Fear of
Fear of
Fear of

i'm not afraid of looking psycho
i gives no fuck what they say
i'm not afraid to find my soulmate
im just afraid he wont want me

i'm not afraid of falling head over heels
i trust you to catch me
i'm not afraid of loving
and i am afraid of trying

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too
Without you yes I do
Without you all I do is sit and think about you
Without you yes I...
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: blahblah
Tunes: twiztid <3 buckets of blood and razakel
 
 
Kayla
09 October 2013 @ 09:34 am
the fear is causing my breath to become tight in my lungs, constricting my chest like a corset
i am bound to the will of powerful men who can't be adult enough to compromise
they dont seem to care its ruining so many people's livlihood
where will i end up if i cant pay my rent?
will i end up back on the streets living day by day?
i wish i could smack some sense into their rich heads
sorry not everyone is as well off as you are
it seems so unjust
yet the entitled dont seem to care
guess they somehow think they'll still get votes even after the suffering public ends up broken
or worse dead from lack of healthcare and starvation
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: pissed offpissed off
Tunes: whitney peyton
 
 
Kayla
07 October 2013 @ 09:29 am
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzooZPZEqwk
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: nauseatednauseated
Tunes: strange music baby
 
 
Kayla
04 October 2013 @ 09:49 am
"Shittalkaz"
(feat. Blaze & ICP)

Yo this is serious shit right here
Me and my boys, we don't fuck around
You know what I'm sayin'?
So if you diss me
My muthafuckin' people, or the niggas I roll with
You know what?
Y'all done fucked up
Here go the shittalkin'

You's a bitch ass hoe
What you really know about killas for real though?
Stainin' my freek show, gang of lunatics
We the rebels for the dead
Fuckin' with us you lose your muthafuckin' head
And ya talkin' to your bitch ass hoes even a little
Rather beat ya to shit, and pull the plug at the hospital
Callin' me this, callin' me that
Cause you's a bitch ass nigga from the jump I wanna slap
With the old school beat down, 10 on 1
I don't remember no fair fights where I'm from
Maniac and I'ma stand right where the bloodstain is at
Hopin' you come back, nigga fuck that
I'm the poster child of death
I'ma keep swingin' my axe till nuthin's left
I ain't havin' that so fuck you bitch
Tell your friends I'ma hater and I'm talkin' shit

Man I don't give a fuck how many records you sell
Stories you tell, nigga check yourself
And fuck that bitch that you're with too
When the shit go down, where the fuck your crew?
Probably at home bumpin' someone else
When the shit went down they told you fuck yourself
Now you cryin' inside little thug still frontin'
Thinkin' to yourself why the fuck you say something
Too many niggas wanna beat me up
Steal my shit, slap my bitch
I'm like fuck this
Now you know what it's like
To deal with real killas that don't play, everyday
Knockin' suckas out the box, who wanna get some?
Seven video channels for my victims
I ain't havin' that fuck you bitch
Tell your friends I'ma hater and I'm talkin' shit

We the things that go bump in the night
We ain't got no love for you, you need to get some shit right
Bitch who you think you're fuckin' with?
We keep this shit like a track meet, we be runnin' it
With the hatchet on the back
While other bitches suckin' sour tits for air time and similac
We say fuck that, matter of fact
You tainted our style bitch boy we want our shit back
Don't get your head cracked you ain't tough
And all them skills don't mean shit when you get fucked up
So fuck your set, and fuck your crew
And fuck every muthafucka around and down with you
And you ain't puttin' nothin on the map
Except for all this bullshit commercialized mainstream rap
And I ain't havin' that fuck you bitch
Tell your friends I'ma hater and I'm talkin' shit

Hoe ass hoes, we stomp those hoes
How the fuck you gonna step to Dark Carnival juggalos?
Creators of the wicked, night breeders
No little bitch faggots with blonde
So anytime you see me in public
You get a Faygo in your ass, and your jaws full of dick
You can keep your muthafuckin' TRL
I stay with my army in the underground and stay real
And burn down your little TV set
String Carson up with razor wire wrapped around his neck
Cause that's how we do all day
Cross to the other side bitch you're gonna pay
We stay on the dark side of the carnival grounds
Twiztid, Blaze, and 2 wicked clowns
Heads are finna get chopped off, and slit
Bout to take it way beyond talkin' shit

Hatchet don't count, hatchet ain't included
Knowin' goddamn well we the champs undisputed
We don't need your radios and MTV
Sellin' million, sayin' what the fuck we please
**** who's coat you ridin' on?
You gotta lick balls, and write him a song
You got his dick buried so far up your ass
It's hangin' out your mouth, but you like that
And **** tried to warn ya
And there you are receiving the dick in California
While you gettin' fucked on the West coast
I'm at home fuckin' Kim ****
Fuck all you faggot ass sell out hoes
And fuck anybody denying the juggalos
Come to the underground and get bit
Tell your boys I'ma hater and I'm talkin' helly shit!