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Kayla
07 November 2015 @ 01:52 pm
I may be far from completion on my journey of self improvement, but I left you at the metaphorical starting line to choke on my dust of glitter, that tastes slightly of pumpkin. while you were so distracted making me hate and doubt myself, I lapped you like 20 billion times. you think you're a perfect package in your obese condescending hypocritical meat suit, well I have news for you it not only makes you ugly, it makes me better. I'm not one to gloat but since you positioned yourself so self righteously on your throne of lies, I'm here to level the playing field and even the score. So many words appropriate in describing whatever thing you are in reality masquerading about in a human meat suit because you are far from human, or even subhuman for that matter, invasion of the body snatchers, just remember, word of advice, that high horse you are wrongly positioned on will come crashing down and the type of person you are, you shall have the hardest kind of fall, a fall from the grace of your persona, but don't cry, follow your own advice "don't be depressed, slit your wrists and get it over with"
 
 
Current Location: mi casa
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: taking the trash out
Tunes: jack off jill
 
 
Kayla
20 December 2014 @ 05:39 pm
hold on to the present, forget the past I already climbed that mountain. sometimes you must take a chance, a final destination style russian roulette
 
 
Kayla
20 December 2014 @ 05:06 pm
I miss her in some almost religious way. I miss Kayla. They say I'm not her anymore, maybe I never was. Mind Fuckery. I would like to believe this new stranger I have became just ate her and is holding her captive in some weird demented process of evolution. I am forever lost, forever meandering just like the silohette of that younger inner demon
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: amusedamused
Tunes: jack off jill
 
 
Kayla
20 December 2014 @ 05:37 am

Feeling like a mere option when i absolutely phene for romantic desire why cant i let it rest? why is this gnawing at that blood pumping organ in my chest cavity

 
 
Current Location: rainbow fuckery
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: confusedconfused
Tunes: manson
 
 
Kayla
19 December 2014 @ 11:24 pm
it is just my observation
3 people go through a fuckton of toilet paper
spiders are cocky bastards
papa needs to go home..... hes drunk
I am mentally intriguided
I need to urinate
my life is not mine anymore, I'm just along for the ride
 
 
Current Location: i said tacos baysch
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: awakeawake
 
 
 
Kayla
19 December 2014 @ 10:55 pm
How did this atrocity happen? How did the cereal bowl shatter into her oh so perfect fading tounaquet holding her unsullied facade together? what becomes of fraudalent offspring manifestations to a bleeding whore in denial?
 
 
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: bouncy
 
 
Kayla
19 December 2014 @ 10:40 pm
I have so many words, thoughts, emotions swirling, entwining in the mess that is my head I find it growing hard to decipher and articulate them into prose. Armed with egotistical verbal meanderings, a socially unaccepted mouth and jaded life experiences I shall persevere. However even knowing I am a survivor I still feel inadeqate, unworthy. Like I am festering on the brink of greatness but coming up short everytime and all of the social mediocrity is laughing at me. Who is Kayla anyway? How the hell do I know? I am constantly evolving, changing I dont recognize myself anymore. I am but a hollowed out cadaverous shell of who I once was.
 
 
Current Location: rainbow mind fuckery
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: contemplativecontemplative
Tunes: dollyrots
 
 
Kayla
24 July 2014 @ 09:36 am
Dont shit where you eat or eat where you shit
If the glass is half full drain it until its empty
If life hands you lemons squirt the juice into her judgemental eyes
If you keep going going gone take my restless ass with you
If at first you dont succeed pay someone to do it for you
If youre ever stuck between a rock and a hard place become anorexic so you can slip thro the cracks
if you cant take the heat dont get the hell out the kitchen get naked just dont fry bacon
if you ever decide to get drunk and drive your car 80mph into a parked boat dont ever go to nuero restorative
If duct tape fixes everything it can definately make her shut up
and lastly if it aint broke dont fix it rip someone off to double your investment
 
 
Kayla
12 June 2014 @ 02:36 pm
i made believe that all my mangled black glass shards were leaking subhuman biological waste
that i was indeed untouchable
i built a wall around my soul
a wall of tarnished steel and bleeding thorns
then he found me
my ninja found me
he took this hollow shell of a woman with empty eyes
and made her utter i am pretty
with my head held high
oh lord help me for i am in love with a ninja
so deep in love im drowning in it
i cant tell up from down, left from right
i am so beligerently in love with this ninja
i am no longer the girl i used to be
the girl who mocked true love and soul mates cuz it hadnt happened to me
now every love song makes my heart swell
every romantic movie makes me want to cry
with joy
 
 
Kayla
20 November 2013 @ 09:44 am
I trace bleeding circles under my eyelids in the lost hopes that maybe, just maybe I can blind myself from these haunting images called life. I pinch myself hoping to wake up from this twisted, tormented nightmare. I welcome the breath of death as it breathes intensely on my neck, it's haletosis clogging my nose and bringing my spaced out head back to hit my bruised feet on reality the end of my tortured, bleak,black life happened so quickly, so abruptly, was thrown into my face with no mercy or compassion. Then with my heart still beating, still soldiering on, all those fools with their expensive educated minds said that I was so broken beyond repair that I'd never blink from the blinding sunshine again or feel it's stifling warmth tanning my pale, almost translucent skin, well back off with your fancy medical degrees you are NOT above God, besides I sure showed them. Then these same fools had the dismal audacity to doubt me and conclude that I would never again utter a word. Well I'm sorry to tell all you non-believers that this voice is as strong, outspoken and loud as it's always been, just begging to be heard. but i'm still left with the same burning question of how can I settle my never settled, forever meandering and lost mind when all bets are against me? yes I sing and yell from the rafters that I am the amazing, subtly confident Kayla motha fuxin Cole. I may have dug my own selfish grave without thinking twice of myself and others as well and now I'm stuck in this paradox, this limbo called brain injury hell and i jokingly ask myself to ease my pain oh kayla isnt't this just nice? and all those terrifying, grusome goblins riding the pure horses in my dreams remind me subconciously that absolutely nothing is as nice, quiet, or easy as it seems. Things are not at all going as planned, they are morbidly spinning fast out of control. Am I going insane? no I'm just dealing with it. However upbeat I try to maintain, I'm still lost and drowning in flower petals and skin eating acidic, sulferic rain that turns all of my foreboding emptiness and hollow rooms into a psychotic insomnia and paranoia and I unleash my beast to run rampant and explore the night. Stealthy like the heavily cloaked home invader from your wickedest nightmares yet with love hanging in the expanding distance with the spark of fire when his lips brush mine. When my eyes, my almost celestial being, hell ok my everything hopes to seek and find his broken, battered soul and help my first and one true love on his quest to regain his last wisps of control. But I guess since death don't want me and fate done chewed me up and spit me out I'll always feel like I'll always have something to prove to others, to this heavily judgemental world. It's almost as if they whisper about me, questioning the fact of why I didn't die as anticipated, final destination style, now I am stuck constantly looking over my shoulder, paranoid into a sick motivation to prove them all wrong. Is my life and my very existence worthy? Will my newly found but very welcomed sobriety finally occupy the front seat pushing all the substance abuse to the back in this party of a ride called justified karma and life? And last but definately most important one of all, will Ripsi ever get her mother back? The mother she deserves? I may have the world to prove but I have the willingness to do just that and break on through, yes to the other side. But my words and language remain a cage and my ming is forever stuck in this delusional maze. And my heart may still be beating with unfailing tenacity mocking my survival with the mere fact that all I wish to achieve is to reach into my chest cavity to clench it's beating, relentless tissue so hard until it burts and ruptures to alleviate me into a stressless oblivion which in turn will ease me away from all these responsibilities and heartache. But not only do I have too much to savor and live for, I am also a coward, albeit a morose, morbid coward, a coward non-the-less and these have all been carefully crafted, and most definately secrets from the quiet room.
 
 
Current Location: at the NR motha fuxin C
How I'm feeling, Bizatch: fux its frosty!!!!
Tunes: snow tha product